Ever feel like parenting is one endless sprint from school drop-off to bedtime meltdowns? You’re not alone. Parenting often feels like moving from one stressful task to another. By the end of the day, you might feel completely drained—but why does that exhaustion linger, even after the chaos is over?

Stress doesn’t just disappear when the source of stress (like a tantrum or an phone call with your boss) is removed. It stays in your body, often until some intentional release. That’s where strategies to support that release, like the EMDR-based ASSYST protocol, can make a world of difference - helping parents reset before parental burnout sets in.

The Stress Cycle - Why Stress Lingers & Becomes Burnout

In their bestselling book, Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle, sisters Emily and Amelia Nagoski reveal a crucial insight: Even after the stressful event is resolved, the physiological tension can stay in your body, keeping you stuck in survival mode.

Stress isn’t just about external triggers like deadlines, tantrums, or heated arguments. It’s also about how your nervous system reacts. When your body doesn’t complete its natural stress response cycle, the tension builds up. Over time, this can leave you feeling exhausted, frazzled, or possibly burntout.

But there’s good news: you can help your nervous system reset by intentionally completing the stress cycle.

A young woman crosses her hands over her chest while inhaling deeply with her eyes closed. She is using the lessons she has learned from therapist Mackenzie Kinmond to complete her stress cycle with EMDR. She is dealing with parental burnout.

7 Ways to Complete the Stress Cycle

The Nagoski sisters outline simple, research-backed strategies to help your nervous system process stress. These practices can signal to your body that the stressful moment has passed and it’s safe to relax.

Physical Activity: The most effective way to reset your body. Even a quick walk can work wonders.
Breathing: Deep, slow breaths with a longer exhalation help calm your nervous system.
Positive Social Interaction: Chatting or laughing with a trusted person reinforces a sense of safety.
Laughter: Genuine laughter helps regulate emotions and connect with others.
Affection: Physical touch, like a hug, or even petting a beloved animal, can soothe your system.
Crying: Letting yourself cry is a natural and effective way to release tension.
Creative Expression: Drawing, writing, or playing music allows you to channel and process emotions.

These practices are excellent for daily stress. BUT, what if you try these and still feel activate? Sometimes stress gets "stuck," requiring a different approach.

When Stress Gets Stuck

Ever have a stressful part of your day where no amount of exercise or deep breathing seems to help? This might happen because certain stressors touch on a deeper vulnerability or core belief.

For instance, getting your kids out the door in the morning might be generally stressful but manageable. However, if there is a moment in that process that touches on a deeper feeling of failure of feeling ‘not good enough’, the morning interactions may leave you feeling deeply shaken or activated. Even after you get on with your day and remind yourself that you are fine, the tension lingers in your body.

When stress connects with these emotional vulnerabilities, it can feel “stuck” in your nervous system. That’s when tools like the EMDR-based ASSYST protocol can help.

The ASSYST Protocol: An EMDR Tool for Releasing Stress

The ASSYST protocol, developed by Dr. Ignacio Jarero, helps process “stuck” stress by mimicking your body’s natural way of dealing with distress. It’s a quick, targeted tool designed to release emotional tension before it compounds into burnout.

The first part of this process requires learning the Butterfly Hug—a simple but powerful grounding technique.

How to Do the Butterfly Hug

The Butterfly Hug, created by EMDR clinician Lucina Artigas, is a calming technique you can do anywhere. Here’s how:

Mackenzie Kinmond doing the butterfly technique. She is crossing her arms over her chest, resting her hands near her collarbone. This EMDR technique is helpful with parental burnout.

Cross your arms over your chest, resting your hands near your collarbone.

Mackenzie Kinmond doing the butterfly technique. Mackenzie's palms are facing inward and her fingers are spread out like butterfly wings. This EMDR technique is helpful with parental burnout.

2. Your palms should face inward, and your fingers spread out like butterfly wings.

3. Tap each hand alternately—up and down, left and right.

This gentle EMDR-based bilateral stimulation helps calm your nervous system, and is a foundational step to the full ASSYST process.

Steps for the ASSYST Process:

Here’s how to use the ASSYST process to work through a recent stressful experience:

Run a mental “movie” of the stressful event or your day. This involves picturing it in your head from the start of the experience to the end.
Identify the most activating/disturbing moment (e.g., a look, tone, or specific incident).
Focus briefly on that moment and how it felt.
Scan your body from head to toe.
Notice activation/sensation in your body (e.g., tight shoulders, a pit in your stomach).
Rate the activation/distress from 0 to 10.
Begin Butterfly Hug tapping until the activation decreases or feels tolerable.

Pause and take a breath. Repeat steps 3–7 if needed until you feel that the stress in your body has decreased as much as it can.

Important: If the activation increases or doesn’t decrease, stop and return to other regulation or grounding strategies. This tool isn’t for everyone and there may be situations that it does not help. That is okay! This is about developing a ‘toolkit’ of strategies that you can try in different moments.

Why It Matters for Parents

For parents juggling countless responsibilities, taking a few minutes to reset your nervous system isn’t just self-care—it’s self-preservation. By unwinding the tension from your body, you can prevent stress from compounding into burnout.

Practicing the ASSYST process or even just the Butterfly Hug can help you feel more grounded and present, allowing you to show up with calm and energy for your family.

Take a few minutes today to try these tools—you might be surprised at how much lighter you feel.

Stay Connected for More Parenting and Stress-Relief Tips

Parental burnout doesn’t have to be a constant battle. From understanding the stress cycle to exploring EMDR tools like the ASSYST protocol, we’re here to help you navigate the challenges of parenting while protecting your mental health.

Don’t miss out on future blogs for more practical tips on managing stress, completing the stress cycle, and using techniques like EMDR to stay grounded. Keep reading to discover how you can empower yourself, prevent burnout, and create a healthier, happier family life.

Cheers,

Mackenzie Kinmond, MSW, RSW Psychotherapist

Resources:

Jerero, Ignacio. DR JARERO BH METHOD FOR PSYCHO-EMOTIONAL SELF CARE - OCT 17 2023 . https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zEDr-JJGn2Q.

Nagoski, Emily and Amelia, Nagoski. 2019. Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle. New York, Ballantine Books.

For more about the ASSYST protocol: https://scalingupemdr.com/assyst-complete-online-training/

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Parental Burnout? Find Relief by Completing the Stress Cycle